I'm working on a new start... A new life. I'm trying to have a new outlook on life, and I'm starting by becoming more active in the things that make me and those around me happy. I realized that when I cook, I'm actually fairly content. I love people's faces when they eat my food. Usually I get a good responce - unless I burn it or something like that, then... well, that's my fault. I'm going to start going to church again. Hopefully I can find one around here that's worth going to. I've tried a few... Haven't found one yet that will accept me. But, there's no reason to stop looking. I'm going back to school in the spring so I can further my education. I plan to study photography, psychology, biology, art, and english, maybe creative writing or something.

I'm not planning to let go of the past, and I think that's what's best for me. I don't have to push it away like it doesn't exist and never happened to be okay. Every memory is an important piece of your life. I'm missing a lot of them, so I'll never take for granted the ones I have - even if they're not all great. I have a therapist now. Thank God, because I've been needing one FOREVER. He's helping me pull the pieces of my life together. Through DBT, hypnosis and the like, he's already helped me to become more whole and bring back some much needed memories. I'm not a horrible person, and I see that now. We all make mistakes, and we all have regrets. Regret is healthy, and mistakes are made to be learned from.

I'm still very sad, but I'm getting better. You know you're starting to do better when you wake up in the morning and don't wish you'd stopped breathing in your sleep. Now I just want to stay in bed because it's comfy (even though its the floor of my brother and sister's bedroom). I'm not at all where I was hoping to be by this point in my life, but I can get there. With the right amount of effort and motivation, I can get to where I want to be. Everyone can.